Fantabulous Fridays: Movie Watch

** Now with trailers!

I have a confession to make: I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated for the Academy Awards this year.  No, not even Avatar. Not even Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (mostly because I refuse to accept that horrible, horrible book and its sequel ever happened to the series).  I have seen the new Star Trek movie, but that’s only up for the technical awards (Makeup, Sound Editing, Cinematography and Visual Effects) and who gives a shit about those?

The last Academy Awards I really paid any attention to, other than YouTubing clips of performances by Hugh Jackman and the duo of Ferrell & Black, was the one where the Lord of the Rings trilogy swept through and won approximately twenty eight thousand awards.  And everyone knew that was coming.  There was no real surprise there.

The fact that I don’t really watch movies has nothing to do with my tight budget — I’ve been sitting on an Empire Theatres gift card my mother got me two Christmases ago, still with the original twenty-five bucks on it.  So I can obviously afford to go see at least one movie.  And with the advent of internet streaming, cheap longterm DVD rentals and that weird “borrowing” thing I hear you can do with friends, movies shouldn’t be all that hard to see.

And they’re not.

I just don’t give a shit about any of them.

No, not even Avatar.

I’m not avoiding Avatar out of spite, or because it’s en vogue now to dream about blue bipedal cat-goats living in harmony with nature under a Jesus tree — or whatever it is they actually do; I’m just extrapolating based on internet comments I’ve seen.  No, I’m avoiding Avatar because the previews didn’t excite me in the first place, back when I was Googling for information about another, similarly-titled movie and came across Cameron’s trailers.

If I want blue bipedal cat-goats, I’ll go back to World of Warcraft and start playing my draenei again. Thanks.

There are, however, movies coming out this year that I am looking forward to seeing in theatres.

Iron Man 2

I’m not normally a fan of Robert Downey Jr., but there isn’t a more perfect man to play the role of Anthony Stark, drunk, womanizer, industrialist par none. I’m more of an X-Men girl than Iron Man – Team Remy, thanks – but this franchise is one of Marvel’s strongest, and bringing it to the big screen for the second time is nothing but pure win and pure profit. At least until Disney finds some way to fuck it up, that is.

Despite governmental pressure, Tony Stark is completely unwilling to spill his guts about the Iron Man armor. There’s something about “the wrong hands” and blah blah blah, but let’s face it. A large part of it is probably, “I’m the only cool kid on the block.” This leads nicely into a setup where the armor does indeed fall into the wrong hands, just like it did in the first movie. Also, there’s some villain called Whiplash. Even though he looks like the Mandarin.

What I’m Expecting: RDJ to bring his A-game, lots of drama and comedy in proper proportions, big budget explosions and lots of screentime for the body armor. I doubt I’ll be disappointed.

The Last Airbender

I came into the Avatar: the Last Airbender series somewhat late in its run. “Book 3: Fire” was already being aired for the first time when I first started watching “Book 1: Water”. Even the animation, obviously intended for little kids, didn’t stop me from getting caught up in the world and the story of the trio of Sokka, Katara and Aang, and their desperate attempts to stop the Fire Nation from enslaving and destroying the entire world.

When I heard that they were bringing Avatar: the Last Airbender to the big screen, I was overjoyed. I figured they’d get a director that would do the property justice, and that there’d be some new names mixed with the established to really polish the script and make the action shine. Then I realized it was M. Night Shyamalan, and while he’s had some hits, and a couple of movies I’ve really enjoyed, in some cases despite their ridiculous premise, there are others
I cannot abide.

What I’m Expecting: For this not to turn into The Village. Please god. Don’t let this turn into The Village.

Clash of the Titans

I’m a huge fan of Greek mythology. I was raised Roman Catholic, but starting from the age of 13, I could tell you more about the Titanomachy and Olympus than I could about the Book of Revelations and the Pearly Gates. I lived, ate and breathed Greek mythology, and to this day it remains engrained in my noggin, to the point where half my writing ends up inspired by Greek myth, tragedies or comedies. Hell, I was considering majoring in Classics in university; that’s how much of a fangirl I was—and still am.

I never did see the 1981 original – something I’m sure I’ll correct before the April 2 release date – but really, can you go wrong with Lord Voldemort as Hades? Or Qui-Gon Jinn as Zeus Thunderer? And I suppose that Avatar guy as Perseus will be alright—he’d have been crucified already if he was a shitty actor, no matter how popular his movies. Just ask Kristen Stewart about that one.

What I’m Expecting: An epic battle of gods, men and monsters, tons of special effects and a rich, fantastic milieu

Alice in Wonderland

I mean, I guess so. I’ve fallen away from watching Tim Burton movies in recent years. I think the last one I can definitely say I watched was Corpse Bride and I didn’t really enjoy it all that much. For me, Tim Burton films are pretty hit or miss: the concept of Sweeney Todd didn’t interest me, but I can’t really blame that on the director. I probably wouldn’t see it on Broadway either. Planet of the Apes honestly left me sitting there confused and bewildered when the credits were rolling. (Also thankful that I was dating a theatre employee at the time — I didn’t have to pay for that horrid flick.)

But this is also the man who directed Beetlejuice and Sleepy Hollow, the ’88 and ’92 Batman movies, and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Surely there’s something redeemable in Alice in Wonderland. Though I may wait off on DVD for this one; we’ll see how I feel, and if I’ve given birth yet (release date is a few days before my due date, though that didn’t deter me from Serenity).

What I’m Expecting: Burton’s particular brand of wackiness, for him to take Wonderland to new unexpected and unforeseen heights of gothy weirdness, and for Johnny Depp to act somewhat insane, as per usual in Burton’s films

Nightmare on Elm Street

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you… Three, four, better lock the door…

Like many people, I can’t really watch horror movies by myself. I have a way overactive imagination, and I keep envisioning things walking around in the dark. Just ask my husband; I’m totally retardedly afraid of the dark, to the point where before I’ll even budge out of my chair after he’s turned off the house lights, I require him to turn on the lamp in the bedroom. I avoid the mirror when I have to pee in the middle of the night, having convinced myself that Bloody Mary just might be real. And horror movies only exacerbate my stupid frights and self-delusions.

Yet, I want to see this movie. And I know the husband does too. The battle will come down to if we wait for DVD, or go see it in the theatres when it comes out.

What I’m Expecting: Gore, claws, frights. Not a whole lot of storyline but buckets of blood. And Jackie Earle Haley; how can you go wrong?

I’m sure other movies will catch my attention twixt now and the end of the year. Hell, I might even change my mind and go see Harry Potter and the Death of a Franchise Part I… uh, I mean Deathly Hallows Part I. The third Twilight movie is due out this year too, despite the second barely being off the screen yet – hopefully, it’ll be out in time for me to help prep me for gallbladder surgery, much the same way I’m using New Moon to prep for childbirth. There’s a new Shrek movie, and the third in the Toy Story line. Robin Hood and Prince of Persia look mildly interesting, and so does The Karate Kid. I know my kids will enjoy Marmaduke, so maybe it’s time to start considering their first movie outing.

Y’know, movies this year don’t look so dull and boring after all. Maybe this time next year, I’ll actually be excited about the Oscars. Maybe the movies this year will have given me a reason to be looking forward to watching the glitterati on the red carpet, insincerely clapping for the people who’ve won awards over them.

Maybe I’ll even try to give a shit about Avatar.

But we’ll see about that one.

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2 thoughts on “Fantabulous Fridays: Movie Watch

  1. It’s alright… I haven’t seen Avatar yet… and I LOVE going to the movies… People are shocked that I am one of the few who have not seen it…

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